Hallmark Mailbag
Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

I received an overwhelming response—most of it critical—to my recent column and TODAY Show appearance in which I argued that Hallmark greeting cards for sensitive subjects, particularly cards for people dealing with cancer, can miss the mark.  A quick recap of one of Hallmark’s much-publicized cards for people with cancer; “Cancer is a villain who doesn’t play fair ... but it can’t dim your spirit, and it can’t silence prayer.” 

A. Silvestri from Nutley said that such cards can ‘break the ice.’;  “I certainly agree that tough times require more than a card IF the sender can muster more than that from their own emotional resources. In my experience many people have legitimate hesitation to contact someone who is going through tough times and a card may be the only means they have…I often send a blank card to break the ice and then follow up with a call. That helps with the initial contact and gives the other person time to prepare.”

I am pretty sure we are saying the same thing.  I would hope that others would do exactly what you propose.  It is personal and genuine.  What else can anyone ask for? 

Merlene Wilder of West Orange wrote; “I’m a survivor (22 years) of Hodgkin’s Disease.  At the time when I was diagnosed, I had a friend who couldn’t cope with my diagnosis and never spoke to me again.  I had other friends who would call but were afraid to see me.  If these Hallmark cards were available then, I often wonder if I would’ve heard from some of these people.  Many people who don’t know what to say choose NOT to do anything.  These cards may not be appropriate for all situations, but they are a start.” 

Merlene, who am I to debate you on this topic?  I do agree that if it is a choice between no communication at all and a Hallmark card, I say send the card. 

Sonja Burkett of Westfield is also a cancer survivor of more than ten years; “During my treatment I received many cards, which I read and reread.  Just knowing that people were thinking of me and praying for my recovery helped me know that I was not alone in my journey.  However, the best thing that people did was to prepare and drop off a meal for my husband and me.”

Sometimes, actions communicate much more than words, even when we think the words are perfect and send exactly the right message. 

Angela Ford from Middlesex wrote; “I have a dear friend who has breast cancer, and I would not hesitate to send her a Hallmark card.  Yes, it is nice to read someone’s own words, but you can add your own words to a Hallmark card, as I often do.  The fact that someone thought enough of me to buy, address, stamp and mail a card would mean a great deal to me.” 

From my experience, it is those handwritten words that communicate the most powerful and lasting message. 

Barbara Todish is a motivational speaker and an Adjunct Instructor at Fairleigh Dickinson University and DeVry University; “…We all have the ability to respond uniquely and HUMANLY instead of commercially. All we need is to have hope for ourselves in even the worst of times and then we can communicate that hope to others.”

Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on communication and leadership and is author of the new book "What Were They Thinking? Crisis Communication: The Good, the Bad and the Totally Clueless" (Rutgers University Press). Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, visit his Web site at www.stand-deliver.com, or e-mail him at sadubato@aol.com.

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